I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
