I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
