We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
