Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
