I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it penis luge time yet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
