So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
