if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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