i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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