when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
