I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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