apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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