my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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