Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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