It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What a dumb baby whore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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