Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
