He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
