Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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