Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
