This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
