I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
