She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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