Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
