Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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