i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
