I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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