I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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