He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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