porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
