just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
