i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
