He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
