My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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