Me too!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
