i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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