I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
