Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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