I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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