Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sarcasm needs its own font
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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