No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
