mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm passing your future prison.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
