i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
