god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
