Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
