omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
