real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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