The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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