You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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