i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
