If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
