Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So apparently I’m into choking now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
