i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
