You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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