Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
