I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
