Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
