I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
