That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
