The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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