Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
