my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
