Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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