just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
