Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
