Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
