I just pynch a tree in the face
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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