I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
