they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
